Alone

Today I spent mostly alone. at least till now.

being alone is amazing.
i was in public places today: first my dorm room, then skiing, then lunch, now work. people all
around but no one with me.

that was good though. i feel like i've got a lot of alone time this way. feels amazing.

in order to live, people must also be able to be alone.

There's something to be said about enjoying life.

about stopping, taking pictures. reflecting. feeling.

life isn't about utility.

or if it is, maximizing utility involves maximizing simple pleasures.

simple pleasures make up great joys.

Life has more beauty than we give it credit for. we talk of sadness, sickness, pain. what about love? this ubiquitous emotion that composes the core of human nature?

people say there is no God because of the pain in the world.

by that same logic, there must be a God because there is so much love in the world.

love is living. so is pain. so is getting dropped like a rock.

change is living.

sometimes you need to make choices for yourself. the ones you will make "someday."

The problem with someday is that someday never comes unless you make it today.

Today I lived.

living is a fluid concept. "living life" is usually thought of in the carpe diem sense. nope.

living doesn't just mean feeling good--being spontaneous and feeling alive.
to feel alive you must also feel sadness. don't suppress what you feel. including anger. anger is an important part of living. food for thought.

back to today. i felt alone today. i realized then, i was incredibly selfish. "me" and "i": all over my journal with little talk of others. or condescending talk of others.

i decided to do service today. now i'm a pen pal to an elementary school kid.
i hope to hear from the other service institutions so i can get out from my horrible selfish shell.

feeling yourself. getting outside yourself. that's when you really find yourself. that's what it means to live.

Today I lived.

living is a weird word, right? can anyone really tell you what it means to live?

driving today, looked over and saw a great view. seen it a million times, but i want to live.

stopped. sat on the side of the freeway and just stared at it for fifteen minutes or so, then took a picture, then left.

i feel alive today. that's what it means to live.

E Come Vivo

Today I quit my job.

nobody is reading this so I don't know why i even bother to type it. for some reason, putting this out in cyberspace makes me feel fulfilled. some messed up psyche the computer companies want us to submit to.

i'm writing this because i hope someone will read it and get me. get parts of me i can't communicate. but i don't want people to get me, too. and i know no one will read this.

i'm making a blog because I know that i need to live. LIVE. live like you're supposed to.

money? i made money. i made 80k a year and i'm only 18 years old. i was happy. i was faced, though, with a problem. why do i need money if i can't spend it with people i like? love?

i'm in college, full time. i was working, full time.

learned something: money comes and goes. you can get money back. time? nope. can't get a second back. i quit my job for living.

that's why i put my name on the blog as the quote from "La Boheme" from the segment

Chi son? Sono un poeta.

Che cosa faccio? Scrivo.

E como vivo? Vivo!

Who am I? I'm a poet.

What do I do? I write.

And how do I live? I live!

---Rodolfo

I don't want a normal life. Yeah, I didn't quit my job to become a poet.

What then?

I want to live a poem. be a poem in everything i do. i visited a lady in seattle the other day.

she lived a poem. and better yet, she wrote her poem herself.